


What's Wrong with Wednesday?

by cuttlemefish



Series: Seven Days, or Thursday and Friday and Saturday and We Chilled on Sunday [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 23:28:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17375225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuttlemefish/pseuds/cuttlemefish
Summary: Sequel to “Because It’s Thursday,” the crack fic involving Demon Prince Yuuri Katsuki accidentally marrying Demon Duke Viktor Nikiforov via slap. Happy to be married and raising Lysander Takahiro, their little demon baby known as Little Eggplant, Yuuri and Viktor are completely shocked to have their lives thrown into absolute chaos when their second baby Wednesday starts exhibiting some strange behavior that hilariously challenges their parenting abilities. Or, Yuuri and Viktor have no idea their second child is exhibiting obvious signs of Demon Sugar Intolerance, leaving them to deal with glitter bombs, rainbow (and leprechaun) summons, sprinkle barfs, and (to Phichit’s delight) lava bunnies!Again, this is crack fic fully intended to just give you a chuckle (because they’re demons), much like the original, so take it for what it is – a humble little gift, I mean trash fic.





	What's Wrong with Wednesday?

**Author's Note:**

> Again, you don't have to, but it will probably help if you also read the first story in the series. Please come visit me on tumblr at CuttleMeFishWrites.tumblr.com or on twitter @CMFWritings. :) Your comments are the best mode of payment/tips you could ever give me. <3

**I. Wednesday**

Because the logic of Demon culture is practically non-existent, Wednesday Katsuki-Nikiforov is born (on a Wednesday and) higher-ranking than her parents and her brother, which is (according to Minako) “an insult to the laws of Demon nature!” (and per Yakov also “completely impossible.”) But here they are – two demons still in their 1900 years having babies and, by default, upsetting all the elders with what should otherwise be  _impossible_. Naturally, this is an absolute headache for the council, made up (still) of representatives from the seven demon rulers from seven different allied kingdoms (only because Viktor’s father had still not noticed Viktor was now married and not _only_ representing the Nikiforov clan’s interests).

All that to say, Yuuri has a headache and Viktor was so distraught he accidentally cut his hair, which is the real tragedy as far as Yuuri is concerned. He rubs at his temples, thinking that the whole having a family thing is completely overrated and he should’ve just slapped a baby into Viktor again, instead of pursuing the whole  _energy_   _pod_  business for their second child.  _Viktor was the one that wanted another baby anyway!_  He asserts in his mind, feeling confident in his judgement that this is all Viktor’s fault.

Thinking on it some more, Yuuri shouldn’t have accepted to have a second baby, period, so they’re both to blame—like in an 80% (Viktor) and 20% (Yuuri) ratio.  

Phichit watches the whole thing with amused aplomb. It’s not often that Phichit looks anything other than bored and haughty, which means Yuuri should be terrified right now. His deadly hamsters stand watch, too, snapping and unsnapping their fangs down a line like dominoes.

Apparently, Yuuri and Viktor put a little too much energy into little Wednesday’s energy pod and so out came a Demon Queen, far above her Demon Prince father and her other Demon Duke father, respectively. All in all, Wednesday Katsuki-Nikiforov is higher-ranking than anyone that regularly attends the council, which means that today—a Wednesday, because all interesting meetings are mid-week—she  _literally_  gets to sit at the middle of the table while they all discuss exactly how to address this sudden development.

“She seems upset,” Mila hums, tapping her chin. She’s still wearing her gold chainmail, having been called to the meeting while in the middle of a battle with an unaligned territory. Yuuri is starting to think that Mila is just projecting her own disappointment onto his daughter.

“Well, we didn’t even have time for formal ceremonial robes or a symbol of prosperity. Wouldn’t you be upset if your presentation was this banal?” Viktor sniffs, like it’s Yuuri’s fault that Wednesday was born three hours ago and earlier than expected, and just as purple as her brother Lysander Takahiro when he was a newborn.

“ _That_  and Minako stuffed her into a cow onesie,” Yuuri notes, also staring at his own child with equal wonderment and curiosity. “I think it’s more the cow onesie than anything.”

“Well, you brought her in a blanket!” Minako points out, plucking the wriggly child from her shifted position right back to the middle of the table. Wednesday just pouts, tiny hands pulling at the stuffed little horns stitched onto her hood. 

Sara blinks, considering whether to poke the child’s tummy, “She is an incredible specimen for having been born just some hours ago. Look at how she sits. She’s very–”

She’s only deterred by Yuuri’s frantic alert: “Don’t! She might bite you!”

“She’s a little round, isn’t she?” Sara asks Mila, trying to look less surprised that the baby might already have a few teeth. “I don’t remember Yuuri and Viktor’s Little Eggplant being so pudgy.”

“Why is everyone looking at me?” Viktor cries. Considering both their children have been born a strange shade of purple because of _him_ (which Lysander Takahiro had thankfully, like Viktor, outgrown), Yuuri isn’t surprised everyone assumes Viktor is also responsible for Wednesday’s weight.

“Well, purple babies run in your family. Maybe  _that_  does, too.”

Yuuri looks almost sheepish as he raises his hand, “Nope, that one is mine. I was a pudgy baby, too.”

Wednesday stares at everyone with an icy blue stare behind a set of rebellious blonde bangs, completely inherited from Viktor (and a direct contrast to her brother, who looks just like Yuuri). She seems unphased by the conversation. The only remotely child-like thing she does is try to reach for one of Phichit’s hamsters. The hamsters know better than to step any closer and hide. _That_ should’ve been red flag number two, but Yuuri hadn’t considered it at the time.

“I guess we could leave her at home?” Yuuri offers, thinking more clearly than anyone else. Lysander Takahiro, also known as the Little Eggplant, babbles against his chest dressed in a new set of ceremonial robes – dark purple to honor his shameful past. He’s barely two years old, an infant in Demon years. And now, Yuuri and Viktor have another infant—an even tinier, purple one—and an absolute terror. In contrast, Lysander Takahiro and his gang of miniature dragons are a band of sheepish merry-men. 

Viktor looks horrified, “We can’t leave Little Blueberry at home! We attend all meetings together because we’re a family.”

Makkachin barks in approval, sitting on the Nikiforov representational chair. Yuuri still wasn’t sure how Viktor decided when to let Makkachin represent the Nikiforov clan and when he chose to take on the duties himself. It was thoroughly confusing, even though the council had discussed it and accepted that—even if Viktor had abducted Makkachin officially—Makkachin was the last representative directly sent by Viktor’s father to represent the clan. Like many things, Viktor was prone to ignore them as convenient.

“See? Makka votes that Little Blueberry stay. And so do I.”

“Viktor,” Yuuri huffs, “you can’t just vote on my behalf.”

“Technically,” Yakov grouches, “ _you_  can’t vote on your behalf either. The child is higher ranked and, as such, represents you today by virtue of being here. Per protocol, we should all defer to her.”

“I am not deferring to someone wearing a diaper!” Yuri yells.

Mila chuckles, whispering something in her wife’s ear. Sara beams, giving Yakov’s behind a discerning look. 

“Seriously?” Yuri blinks, studying Yakov. “You’re wearing a diaper?”

“Hush now,” Minako says, giving the child a ceremonial bow, “now, then, let us see what the child chooses to do. We await your instructions, Wednesday.”

Little Blueberry looks like she’s about a minute from done with everyone. She doesn’t even balk as she makes eye contact with Minako and takes in a deep breath. Minako and Yakov motion for everyone to copy her. No one does, except for the two of them.

Phichit sits up, at least, putting a pause to his hamster brushing to watch her hold her breath for a really long time until she starts looking more maroon than purple. Minako and Yakov stop holding their breath.

“Oh my god, Little Blueberry!” Viktor squeals, shoving his husband to attention. “Yuuri, do something!”

“Wednesday, stop it,” Yuuri sighs, already sitting up to hand his son over to Viktor and to try to pluck her from the middle of the table.

Little Blueberry simply laughs, falling on her back before he can even reach for her. When she hits her head, she just laughs harder. Mila and Sara look immensely disturbed. Yuri, on the other hand, now considers this with some curiosity. Viktor looks like he’s a minute from combusting into tears. Yakov and Minako are still a little red. And Phichit? – Well, Phichit has never felt so much respect for a baby.

**II. Friday**

As with everything else, Yuuri and Viktor have decided to say “screw tradition,” quite loudly and from their bedroom veranda looking out towards Yuuri’s kingdom, which is consumed by lava given the time of year. Viktor has never seen so much red and fire and it is _beautiful_. Flood season will give way to rock harvesting and the appropriate summer festivals. He’s already plotting family outfits when Little Eggplant _and_ Little Blueberry start crying from his bed.

“Yuuri, they’re hungry,” Viktor reminds him, trying to figure out what to do with his now much shorter hair. He blows at the fringe dramatically, wholly unsure that there’s anything at all he can do. It’s Yuuri’s turn to feed the children.

“I know. I just, I don’t know which one to feed first. Technically, Lysander Takahiro asked first, but Wednesday is higher-ranked and they’re both crying and hungry and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to play favorites, but I can only feed one at a time—”

Viktor rolls his eyes, pushing back the train of his bed robe with a flourish to march over to the bed. He takes Lysander Takahiro and pokes his nose. “Boop, open up that little mind now,” Viktor coos. Wednesday doesn’t seem very happy with the development, opening her mouth wider to scream even as Yuuri scrambles to bring her into his arms.

“But protocol,” Yuuri reminds Viktor as he feeds Wednesday. Immediately on receiving some energy, she calms down considerably, turning into a little, cuddly ball of a child as she rubs her cheek against Yuuri. It’s like watching a blueberry squeezed of juice, Yuuri thinks, amazed at her sudden change in demeanor. She seems more like a cat than a child, all soft and pliant now. “Aww, you’re happy now,” Yuuri hums, feeling accomplished as he rocks his baby daughter with a tenderness that should only be reserved for humans. He can’t help it, though. 

“From now on, they get fed when they’re hungry, order of priority based on who asked first.” Viktor watches her with a glint in his eye, “It’s all over now, Yuuri. You’ve shown her you’re weak. But that’s okay. She won’t get me.”

**III. Thursday**

Something changes a week later: Forget weak. Viktor is a puddle. And Wednesday doesn’t only love rain, but cherishes seeing her brother jump on some puddles. She doesn’t need to walk to test the shallowness of this one, though.

Lysander Takahiro toddles around the room in his brand-new set of robes, holding a square of meat that keeps his small dragons jumping behind him. It’s quite the scene, with the dragons now just a little above his height. Meanwhile, Wednesday sits on the floor, wearing a light blue tutu and a tiara with a unicorn horn. She looks very interesting in all her purple splendor. She keeps whining for her brother, who seems to have taken a knack for hefting her around.

“What were you saying about being weak?” Yuuri grins. “She’s breaking you with glitter.”

“Stop smiling and help me with all this glitter. I swear, glitter is the _evilest_ thing in the world, right after marshmallows. Everywhere, it gets everywhere!” Viktor grouches, amazed when he finds specks of glitter on the very tip of his nose.

“What’s wrong with marshmallows?” Yuuri asks, despite knowing it’s a terrible idea to question Viktor when he’s in a mood.

“Nothing that feels that soft should have so much sugar. If it’s soft and cloud-like, I think it is the ultimate crime for it to make you fat,” Viktor scoffs, watching in the distance as Wednesday begins to lift her chubby arms again. “Oh no, no, don’t you dare!”

She claps her hands, laughing again as an explosion of glitter falls over Yuuri’s head. He coughs and doubles over, unsure whether he finds it adorable his daughter laughs and makes glitter appear or whether he’s about to choke. Probably the latter. She’s certainly a demon.

“Look at it this way?” Yuuri coughs, trying to blow the glitter away from his face. Eventually, he decides seeing his husband on his knees is not entertaining outside of the bedroom. He claps his hands, sending a small tornado whirling around the room to take care of the clean-up for them. “She’s very advanced for her age.”

Viktor gives Yuuri a poignant look, probably more regarding the clean-up and less about Wednesday: “You say that now. Wait until she starts trying to eat people, like my father.”

“She’s not going to eat anyone,” Yuuri sighs, leaving to get himself a towel. “Is she?”

**IV. Tuesday**

Tuesday meetings are for serious things. Everyone is _very_ relieved when Yuuri shows up alone, without the rest of his family in tow. To be completely fair, Yuuri is also personally relieved as he takes a seat on his family’s representational chair. Minako and Yakov seem to know better than to ask him whether anyone is coming to fill Viktor’s seat. Thinking back on it, Yuuri should’ve brought Makkachin with him. At least Makkachin was reasonable.

They’re halfway through the meeting when the entrance portal glows, and Yuuri groans into his hands. 

“Sorry we’re late everyone!” Viktor says cheerfully, setting Little Blueberry in the middle of the table again. He dumps the baby bag on Yuuri’s lap. “Wednesday tried to eat a lizard.”

“A lizard is not a person, Viktor,” Yuuri frowns, huffing as he searches the bag for a snack.

“It was a _talking_ lizard,” Viktor gripes, sitting with Lysander Takahiro on the Nikiforov representative chair. Makkachin settles by his feet.

Mila leans closer, “Uh-oh. Trouble in hell?”

“Isn’t there always trouble in hell?” Yuuri points out, wondering, again, why they even use that phrase in actual hell. Then again, they also get married by slap and forks, so his question isn’t exactly relevant and have energy pregnancies that also defy logic. Wednesday gives him a tiny wave. Yuuri rubs at his temples. “Or else it wouldn’t be hell.”

“Are you saying our marriage is predictable now because we have two kids, one of which can’t stop producing glitter?” Viktor arches an eyebrow, bottom lip trembling. Lysander Takahiro seems unphased, sliding down from Viktor’s lap to seek out Phichit and his hamsters. 

“No!” Yuuri sighs. He hands Wednesday her hippopotamus plushie. She occupies herself with it beautifully, not even paying attention to them anymore as accusations fly clear across the table.

“Then, it’s because I had glitter in my ass crack the other night again, isn’t it? I can’t help that, Yuuri! I am doing the best I can!” Viktor cries, covering his face with his hands. The glitter has been a serious point of contention for them both. Yuuri didn’t mind it much at first, but the clean-up was starting to get progressively more annoying, especially with Viktor on constant _glitter watch._ It wasn’t like Yuuri could even say he was overreacting, not after his experience three days ago.

“It was hard to pee the last time, okay? I got scared! It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, Viktor!” Yuuri says, rather aggressively. He barely recognizes his voice and changes tactics almost immediately: “Don’t cry, Viktor! I’ll help you wash, if you’d like, and then we can have sex.”

“Wow,” Phichit deadpans, lifting Lysander Takahiro onto his lap to show him his newest hamster. “You guys made yourselves a Discord Demon! Look at how calm and content she is right now. She likes fighting. It’s like seeing a kitten.”

“Adorable,” Yuri agrees, crawling over the table to pet the Little Blueberry on the head. She purrs.

“Are you sure she’s not a Chaos Demon?” Sara considers out loud. “Our Lily is one. The first one-hundred years were a struggle.”

Mila hums, “By the time we had our fifth child, it was all pretty routine. What is chaos by then?”

“But the early years,” Sara shudders, along with everyone in the room.

It was impossible not to remember the Lily years, especially because they included Sara almost poisoning her wife twice on _accident_. It was the reason Sara and Mila’s children had been barred from attending meeting sessions (that and probably because Sara was secretly training them to take over all their kingdoms in a couple thousand years more). Yuuri is starting to feel they’re getting pretty close to seeing the same happen to their family. It would be a shame, seeing as their Little Eggplant was wholly innocent.

But, chaos was, by definition, random, disorderly, and confusing. It did seem their little Wednesday ticked all three boxes. It wasn’t like Yuuri felt any _murderous_ intent towards Viktor, so discord was out of the question. Sure, they were fighting _a lot_ , but that was more to do with frustration and confusion than actual anger. Right? – Viktor hugs Makkachin, trying to hide his red eyes.

“So, how did you deal with it?” Yuuri asks them.

Mila and Sara exchange a long look before saying in unison: “Quarantine.”

“You quarantined Lily?” Viktor sniffles, looking horrified.

“No, we quarantined each other at home. We took turns taking care of Lily.”

“For how long?” Yuuri asks.

“We told you, a hundred years,” Mila repeats, like that’s completely normal.

**V. Friday**

Quarantining each other isn’t a good option. It’s not even sustainable. Look, despite their current situation, Yuuri and Viktor love each other—as much as two demons can actually love. It’s probably fairer to say that they tolerate each other enough to enter willingly into a lifetime partnership that promises fantastic sex, strategic political safety, and adorable offspring to inherit their respective lands. For a while there, Yuuri thought maybe it was just Viktor’s hair that had him head over heels, but even with short hair, Yuuri finds his husband incredibly attractive, so at least they’ve overcome that hurdle. All that means Yuuri will _not_ survive 100 years without Viktor, not willingly (even if he has to risk glitter). But he is willing to survive approximately a weekend without him—for Viktor’s mental health.

That’s something he never thought he’d say, even in his head.

“Are you sure?” Viktor asks Yuuri, eyes red as he pretends he’s not about to burst into tears again.

Yuuri nods, decisive, “Viktor, you won’t survive without a break. You cried when Phichit gave Little Blueberry a s’more yesterday!”

“You know how I feel about marshmallows, Yuuri. I had to deal with marshmallows _and_ glitter…”

“I’ll take care of the kids for a couple of days while you go to the palace I built you and which you never use, just so you can relax a bit,” Yuuri bounces Little Blueberry, who yawns again, resting her cheek against his chest. It’s definitely nap time. “If you get really concerned, you can just make the five-minute trip back.”

Lysander Takahiro hugs Viktor’s leg, tugging on his robes. Viktor picks him up instinctively.  

“But what about you?”

Yuuri shrugs, “I’ll be fine. I once had to take care of 300-year-old triplets for a week. They froze all the lava early and threw the entire rock harvesting cycle off kilter that year. I think I can handle Little Eggplant and Little Blueberry. The worst thing she’s tried to do so far is eat a frog—”

“Talking lizard,” Viktor corrects.

“Still not a person,” Yuuri smirks.

“Well, her jaw is still too small,” Viktor scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Alright. I’ll leave Makkachin with you so he can attend meetings on my behalf, if the council is called. But call for me at once if there’s an important meeting. Or an emergency, although I can’t imagine what one would be, seeing as we’re Demons. Nothing and everything is always pressing.”

“Great.”

Viktor sighs, face softening as he cups one of Yuuri’s cheeks with his palm to pull him in for a kiss: “How did I get so lucky as to get accidentally married to you?”

Yuuri squirms, “Hm, is that a rhetorical question?”

“Actually, yes,” Viktor nods, still looking fond as he drops Yuuri’s chin to grab his bags.

**VI. Saturday**

It’s not too bad dealing with two babies alone for the first night. They mostly entertain each other.

Come Saturday, though, Yuuri wants to renounce immortality for a nap.

It’s not that he doesn’t love his babies, or that they’re both equally difficult. In fact, Lysander Takahiro is a very polite little Mischief Demon, developing nicely for his age. He feeds a few of Yuuri’s precious scrolls to his dragons and later proceeds to get lost with Makkachin and Wednesday in one of the kitchen’s cupboard mazes—all perfectly uneventful and normal acts for a demon his age. It makes Yuuri a little wistful, remembering the first time he destroyed a set of priceless antiques.

The real problem is Wednesday, who—once he finds his kids—proceeds to fill Yuuri’s drawers with glitter and eat a frog (like, a _frog_ , not a lizard). The glitter isn’t even that bad (although seeing his adorable demon baby eat a frog had been a little upsetting). He forgives it easily, chalking it up to _sibling bonding_ , seeing as Lysander Takahiro had helped her open the drawers in the first place. The problem is that the glitter bombs are the easiest thing to clean up in comparison to everything else.

He’s taking a break, reading a message from Yuri about his recent acquisition of a two-headed puma-tiger with a scorpion tail (“Potya is still a kitten, so I assume by the time she’s fully grown, she’ll be approximately 6 feet,” which is _fascinating_ ,) when something bites his leg. Like, something leaves little sharp teeth marks on his leg. Naturally, confused, Yuuri starts looking around his office and, finding nothing (also to be read as being a good father), proceeds to go check on his supposedly sleeping demon infants.

“Daddy, look!” Lysander Takahiro gives him a big smile, carrying in his arms a bundle of gold coins to drop them by his feet.

Yuuri kneels down to admire the coins for a moment before almost tripping over himself when he finds that there’s a literal rainbow hanging from the ceiling of the nursery and ending right inside Wednesday’s energy pod. Wednesday spots him easily, sitting on top of giant pot of gold and squealing as she stretches out her chubby arms for him.

What follows is the definition of hell. Yuuri spends the next six hours wrangling leprechauns the size of a ladle with teeth shaper than Phichit’s vampire hamsters.

**VII. Sunday**

Speaking of small mischievous animals, the rabbits come later.

“Thanks for coming, Phichit,” Yuuri sighs, carrying two children, one in each arm. Wednesday seems incapable of staying still, bouncing so hard that she reminds Yuuri of bubbling lava. When he looks over at his son, Yuuri finds that he has a chocolate mustache. _How did he even get chocolate in the first place?_ He thinks, beginning to understand why Viktor had spent the last several weeks on the verge of mental and physical exhaustion. While Yuuri had been _helping,_ he had too many duties to nanny the children full-time, leaving that mainly to Viktor. Three incidents later, Yuuri could understand why Viktor would tear up at the sight of glitter.

“Sure! Just lead the way to the fire pooping rabbits,” Phichit nods sagely.

“Well, they don’t poop fire. The rabbits are made of fire, well, they’re made of lava. They poop coal, you get it,” Yuuri explains, leading him down a long corridor towards the throne room, where he has locked up the mountain of rabbits rapidly multiplying and defecating all over the place.

“How did this happen?” Phichit laughs, delighted. “You’re sure I can have them all?”

“Please take them all,” Yuuri begs. “I think if Viktor sees them, he’ll kill me himself to not remain married to me.”

Yuuri doesn’t even understand how it happened himself. He’d taken the babies for a stroll around the lava fields. He’d given them one marshmallow each. Next thing he knew, they’d been leading an entire bunny parade down the hallways of the palace.  

Wednesday chooses then to tantrum. Her chubby arms stretch out, demanding a rabbit.

“You sure you don’t want to keep one?” Phichit asks, already pulling out a giant burlap bag to start dumping rabbits into it. Lysander Takahiro watches in pure amazement as Phichit reaches for a rabbit, not once minding the heat emanating from them, then proceeds to dump it into the bag, where a black hole seems to encapsulate the animals and leave the bag just as empty as before. “I don’t mind.”

“I think you’re better equipped to take care of them.”

“If you insist,” Phichit shrugs.

Wednesday wails louder, big round tears falling down her cheeks. Her little blonde pigtails shake with the same strength as her small, purple body encased in a green dinosaur onesie. Yuuri sighs, counting down the minutes until Viktor’s return.

**VIII. Monday**

Demons hate meeting on Mondays, so much so that they almost never torture themselves with a meeting on Monday. As such, Mondays are reserved for emergencies. In all his years serving on the council, Yuuri has never heard of a meeting on Monday. Naturally, it makes sense Wednesday would, again, aim to be the cause of the impossible, or at least the improbable.

Yuuri wakes up early to get the babies ready to welcome Viktor back home. Surprisingly, everything is going fine. Lysander Takahiro is eating chocolate again, which is questionable in itself, but at least Wednesday hasn’t glitter-bombed the nursery _or_ proceeded to summon anything else into the palace. Yuuri will take that as a potential win, even if she’s only been awake for three hours. If anything, it’s strangely moving to see his two little demon babies together.

Lysander Takahiro and Wednesday have an incredible bond for being so young. Yuuri and Mari had been close as children, too, but it had taken awhile for their natural demon instincts of competition and survival to give them space to get to know each other better, without Mari trying to feed him to their three-headed dog.

He spots Wednesday opening her mouth at her brother, who proceeds to deposit a little chunk of chocolate into her mouth. She squeals happily, little fists shaking with contentment. Lysander Takahiro sits down on the floor, much like he would normally when feeding his dragons, and proceeds to keep putting chocolate after chocolate chunk into his sister’s mouth.

“That explains it. You’re bonded by good old-fashioned self-interest, although I can't tell what Lysander Takahiro gets out of this,” Yuuri chuckles to himself. “Okay. I’m going to get Makkachin ready and then we’ll head out to pick up your father for today’s meeting.”

No sooner has he finished saying that, when he suddenly hears a sound much like retching, except— “Okay, we’re all going to the Council now. Together!” he says, trying to not sound half as panicked as he feels when he picks up Wednesday and proceeds to get covered with something weird, small, and very colorful.

Yuuri can’t even bother to get Viktor, not when there’s an actual emergency (of the medical variety). On the Nikiforov representational seat, Makkachin woofs, growling at the strange little bits of _something_ on the table.

“What is it?” Mila uses a twig ripped from the Tree of Decay they keep in the corner of the room to poke at the mountain of bright little particles of bright red, green, pink, yellow, blue, and white in the middle of the table in front of Little Blueberry. Wednesday seems unperturbed now, giggling as she stuffs her own hands into the particles, flinging them into the air. At least she’s no longer throwing them up, which is a significant improvement.

“Wednesday, no,” Yuuri gasps, taking her from the table.

Yakov continues to pour over four different large tomes of books. When they close one, a cloud of dust mushrooms into the air and sends Yuri into a fit of coughs: “Hey!” he complains, “Quit turning pages and tell us what that is already!”

The portal glows and Minako finally rushes into the room, “My apologies that I am tardy. Why are there sprinkles on the table?”

She looks almost disgusted to see them.

“Sprinkles?” Yuuri asks, staring down at his daughter in confusion.

When the portal glows again, everyone turns to find Viktor stumbling into the room next.  

“I heard Little Blueberry was sick. Oh, come here, my little grape,” he coos, taking the baby from Yuuri’s arms. He pats her back in soothing circles, “What happened?”

“She threw up sprinkles,” Yuri informs Viktor, reaching for a red sprinkle. “What do they do?”

Phichit sits up, “Do they explode?”

Mila gasps, “Do they poison those who ingest them?”

Minako slams her hand on the table, “None of those things. They’re just bits of colorful processed sugar. And a sign of Demon Sugar Intolerance, or DSI. It’s quite common among surfeit demons. She’ll grow out of it within a couple hundred years. I remember Yuuri was exactly the same.”

“I was sugar intolerant?” Yuuri whispers, “But demon babies’ primary diet is energy and sugar. Wait, would that explain why she ate a frog?”

Viktor gags, “Was it a talking one?”

“Nope, just a regular, slimy frog.”

Yakov rushes to grab another tome from the library of books surrounding them. He opens it to a random page, grouching as he reads under his breath, “DSI is ironically most common among surfeit demons, causing many parents to confuse their sugar intolerant babies for chaos demons. Unlike regular chaos demons, however, the effects of sugar intolerance on a surfeit demon have stranger consequences, often forcing demon infants to magically exude the sugar and replace unavailable nutrients with unusual hunting habits and food cravings.”

“Sugar what?” Viktor gasps, studying his daughter. “Such blasphemy. The Nikiforov family line has never had a demon that could not handle their surfeit!”

“Well, she’s a Katsuki, too,” Minako gives him a pointed look. “And her father also suffered from it as a newborn. Unless you want to see unimaginable chaos unleashed in your lives, keep her from sugar. Be grateful all you’ve had to deal with so far is glitter bombs and sprinkle barfs.”

“And fire pooping rabbits,” Phichit announces, snorting. Lysander Takahiro giggles.

“Phichit!” Yuuri booms, growing red as Viktor turns to glare at him. “Vitya, I can explain. It really wasn’t as bad as the rainbow leprechauns.”

“I think I feel faint,” Viktor swoons. Makkachin jumps off from the Nikiforov representational seat, ceding it to Viktor to sit. Yuuri takes Wednesday from his arms and tries to fan him unceremoniously with his hand. “Oh, Yuuri, I don’t understand – how can she be sugar intolerant if we’ve only been feeding her energy?”

“Well,” Yuuri corrects, “I gave her a marshmallow, but it was only one.”

“The betrayal!” Viktor clutches at his chest.

“I don’t think that marshmallow is the only thing you’ve got to worry about,” Sara smiles, teeth a sharp white as she points at Lysander Takahiro on Phichit’s lap, who has proceeded to summon an extra-large chocolate bar. “You have a little Mischief Demon with a sweet tooth, who probably figured out what happens to your Surfeit Demon when she’s stuffed with sugar.”

And, suddenly, Yuuri has an entirely new understanding of their children and their sibling bond.

**IX. Friday**

Of course, things go back to normal on Friday, because, well, _Fridays._ Good things happen on Fridays. Yuri grouches the entire time as he helps Yuuri set up two high-chairs for the babies, complaining about how Yakov won’t allow him to bring Potya to the meetings. Technically, Yuuri is pretty sure Makkachin wouldn’t be allowed to come to the meetings either if he wasn’t still considered an official representative for the Nikiforov clan. Viktor holds Lysander Takahiro’s hand as he walks him around the council table and lets him go explore the Tree of Decay.

Now that they know their Little Eggplant likes to smuggle sugar to his sister, they’ve had to take a radical approach to parenting, which means now Yuuri sometimes works with a baby on his lap.

“You know, we never did figure out what to do about Wednesday’s status in the council,” Minako reminds them, far gentler than usual.

Yuuri picks up Wednesday and sets her on the high-chair. Now that she’s on a strict energy-only diet, things have finally settled down substantially. Their child is significantly easier to handle, especially without the glitter bombs.

“Oh, I think I have a potential solution for that,” Yuuri grins, poking his daughter’s belly. When Wednesday giggles, he raises her little arm and waves it. “There you have it, a vote.”

“I’ll allow it,” Yakov booms from his chair. “Just make sure there’s no sprinkles on my council table again, Yuuri.”

“You’ll allow them two bring two babies and a dog, but I can’t bring Potya?” Yuri gripes, crossing his arms as he kicks his legs on top of the table. “Why do I even have to attend these stupid meetings? They’re pointless!”

Mila sighs, ruffling his hair to make him even angrier, “Because we’re demons. What’s the point of anything we do?”

**The End**


End file.
